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ICEFLOE’S MEATBALL SURPRISE RECIPE
• 1 lb ground beef
• 1 egg
• 1/4 cup milk
• 1/2 cup breadcrumbs
• 1/2 teaspoon Kosher salt
• 1 teaspoon oregano
• 1 tablespoon fresh parsley
• 1/2 teaspoon grated garlic
• 1/2 teaspoon fresh ground pepper
• 1 jar Roasted Garlic Pasta Sauce
• 1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese
• 8 bear gonads.
Dynamite a bear and cut off its balls. OR find a hibernating bear and cut off its balls. The second method is trickier. You’ll need to repeat this process three more times.
Ground 1 lb. of fresh cow beef. NOTE: You may substitute bear meat since you have four dead bears lying around but, in my experience, dynamiting cows is funny.
Pour 1 jar of Roasted Garlic Pasta Sauce into a large pot. I prefer that Butch Cassidy brand. Let sauce simmer on low.
Place bear gonads on a clean cutting board next to a large cutting knife. NOTE: You will not be slicing the bear gonads, but this step should cause slight anxiety amongst all nad-packing creatures. If you DO NOT feel this sensation, then you should position your ballsack on the cutting board and knife your own nuts off because you don’t deserve them. We’ll make 10 meatballs rather than 8.
Mix all ingredients into a large bowl. If you pretend you are kneading a pair of Double D’s, you are doing it wrong. It should feel more like stroking a horse dick. I’ve heard.
Take 1 gonad and surround it in ground beef. The resulting meatball should be slightly larger than a golf ball. Repeat until you are out of gonads. NOTE: If you know what a golf ball is, fuck you.
Drop each meatball into the pot of Butch Cassidy and let simmer for 3 hours.
Eat. By the way, they taste like shit. Surprise!